wide-eyed at 4am

Diagnosis Day: May 15

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After diagnosis, I was told that I was being referred to Levine Cancer Institute and that I would have an appointment time given to me in the next few days.OK, so my life just changed. I just became a statistic: a cancer victim – more specifically – a breast cancer victim.

In 2013, it was expected that 232,340 new cases of invasive breast cancer (mine is invasive) would be diagnosed and 39,620 expected to die in that year from breast cancer. *

A million questions went through my mind.

  • How can this be? I feel great.
  • If I’m “sick” why don’t I feel bad?
  • If I have cancerous spots shouldn’t they hurt?
  • How can I have something so devastating and feel exactly the same as I did before?
  • Wait….how do I know when before was?

It’s not like they could tell me the day it showed up. Apparently it wasn’t brand new. Had it been a gradual decline and I just don’t realize that I feel differently than whenever it was that I didn’t’ have this?

Stop! This is too much for my brain to handle right now. And it makes no difference. None of the answers change a thing.

I’ve never thought about how I would react to news like this.  But I just said, “Well, I suppose it will be a fun summer.” No tears. No screams or curses or why me Lords.

I just wanted to know when I could do something about it and get on with life. Hopefully.

My GP referred me to Levine but didn’t specify a doctor – instead she wanted me to get in as early as possible. She knew the suspense was tearing me up. Pretty much everyone at Levine is awesome so regardless of which doctor I was assigned, I would be in good hands.

Without my knowledge, I had been attached to three doctors in attempts to get the earliest possible appointment. That process delivered me to the office of a doctor at the Morehead Medical location of Levine on May 29 and I think it was fate. More about that later.

*Reference: American Cancer Society Breast Cancer Facts & Figures.

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Author: jillpurdy

A few months ago I wasn't but now I'm a statistic. That doesn't define me. I'm a daughter, a sister, a wife, a step mom, a grandmother, a friend and a Christian. I will continue to love exercise, music, cooking and food, and my family and friends. I'm stubborn, energetic, giving and too OCD for my own good sometimes. And I'm going to stay this way - despite cancer and the treatments that it takes to give it the royal beatdown.

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