wide-eyed at 4am


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I’m 12 hours away from surgery and I’m glad!

The past couple of months are proof that waiting is not my strong suit. But there is nothing that I can do about it, so I just have to keep myself busy so I don’t think about it.

Sleeping tonight will be a test. I can’t decide if I’m nervous or excited. That may sound strange but this waiting game is actually forcing a sort of excitement about any forward progress that I make – and tomorrow’s surgery is definitely progress! So the countdown continues. I can only imagine that I may be ticking off every hour of the countdown by waking up and looking at the clock – anxiously anticipating what tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. has in store for me.

I thought this week would be slow. That I would be able to sort of ease into tomorrow, but it has been anything but slow and easy.

I’ve had meetings with clients, work to complete and quite a few of my thoughtful and caring friends who’ve wanted to see me during these days before surgery. I’ve been cleaning house, changing bed clothes, doing laundry, baking a few goodies. (yes I baked a few delectable goodies to share with those who are visiting and delivering meals)

If you’ve been reading my posts you know that the normalcy factor is very important to me, so I’ve been adamant about sticking to my schedule this week – including our usual Monday morning run and this morning’s session with our trainer. This special soul  has been very encouraging and supportive (as I’ve noted before) and today was no different. I appreciate the way that he has helped us keep our workout schedule, mixed in exercises to help me tolerate what I about to go through and showed his support – all at the same time. And I know that same support and normalcy will be  provided after my “procedure” as he helps me get back to being myself.

A special part of the week also took place today when we shared lunch with our special Gratia. I’m so glad that her upcoming trip didn’t start before my surgery date and that her busy schedule and our busy schedules allowed for our lunch to happen.

My inbox, messenger and phone has been blowing up all week. I’ve received sweet and heartfelt cards, messages, gifts and offers of help. One friend who volunteers for The Pink House brought me a special Charlotte Breast Friends care package that includes a hand crocheted beanie and a mastectomy pillow among other things. We’ve already had 3 meals delivered that will make coming home and getting rest so much easier for both of us on Friday.  And friends of my parents have been calling them to let them know that they’ve lifted up prayers for successful surgery and speedy recovery.

And I got to talk to some of the kids today. Aerin gave me her encouragement, love and support. And then I got to say hello to Camden and Hannah. They may not know what’s going on and I’m sure they don’t know how much it means to hear their sweet voices. Kirsten and her crew are on vacation this week and will be heading back home tomorrow as I’m totally “under.” But I will be able to hear from them when I wake up. And those voices will be sweet sounds for me then.

Dennis won’t be sitting alone during my surgery tomorrow. The two awesome ladies who took me paddleboarding last week are coming to sit with him for the entire day. That means he gets a Starbucks first thing and lunch delivered to him too. A few other friends are going to stop by during the day as the wait for the completion of my 4-5 hour surgery unfolds. I know this will be a long day for Dennis. I’ll likely awaken with the feeling that I was awake just a few minutes ago.

I hope that I’m peppy when I awaken because there are several – including our fabulous music director – who are planning to stop by to see me after surgery/recovery and I’m looking forward to seeing their smiling faces.

We’re indeed blessed with such wonderfully supportive friends.



Author: jillpurdy

A few months ago I wasn't but now I'm a statistic. That doesn't define me. I'm a daughter, a sister, a wife, a step mom, a grandmother, a friend and a Christian. I will continue to love exercise, music, cooking and food, and my family and friends. I'm stubborn, energetic, giving and too OCD for my own good sometimes. And I'm going to stay this way - despite cancer and the treatments that it takes to give it the royal beatdown.

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