wide-eyed at 4am

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow?

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I’ve been wondering when this was going to actually happen. Every day since my chemo #1 I’ve done the test tug to see if the fall-out was beginning. No more mystery, the date I can remember forever as the day my hair loss officially began is September 9th.

Interestingly enough, I have mixed feelings.

  1. The stark reality of it.
  2. Relief that it was happening.

The first one probably doesn’t shock you. We can be warned and prepared but actually looking at your hair that you gently pulled from your head is an odd feeling.

The second you may consider weird. But remember that waiting thing. It’s a lot of stress. Finally I don’t have to wonder if this is going to happen to me. I don’t have to wonder if I’m doing the right thing tomorrow when Eddie puts that razor to my head.

This ride in this somewhat twisted breast cancer amusement park has started and I’m on it.

BLOG_HaironHead_Day2_09092015I don’t have bare patches. You can’t really tell that hair is defecting from its assigned follicles when you see me. Unless you’re really observant, you won’t even notice that it doesn’t have much body anymore. And I’m the only one (until Eddie touches it tomorrow) who will realize that it has a different texture.

But pulling my hands through my hair results in about 15-25 hairs staying in my hands yesterday.

I have yet to test this today.  BLOG_FirstFalloutEvidence_09092015

There were warnings that the fall-out was imminent – change in the feel-texture of my hair and it’s loss of body.

Brief instances of tingling in my scalp.

But yesterday, when I got into the shower and the hot water hit my head, I knew something was up because my scalp was sensitive to the heat. The sensitivity went away – but it wasn’t my imagination. It was definitely a different feeling – a signal – and I knew what it was telling me.

It doesn’t upset me. I’ve been planning for this. Shopping for this. Talking about it and promising photo ops to friends in similar situations. In fact, I’m sort of opposite of many who are undergoing cancer treatment freak out. It could still creep up on me, but I just don’t feel it. Like many of you have lovingly reminded me – It’s just hair. It will grow back.

And you’re right! How many times do you get the chance to see how you (really) look bald? or with a Mohawk or any of the other fun styles Eddie may try on my as we take my hair off? You would just voluntarily to buzz your head under normal life circumstances.

It’s interesting to me. It’s somewhat like a science experiment. I’m curious to document the pace that hair falls out over the course of the next couple of days. Will it increase after I get the second infusion this afternoon?

I even have wondered if I should keep a baseball cap or something with me, just in case a huge patch falls out when we’re out somewhere. I’d hate to freak some poor little kid out if I walk in Target looking like I have the mange.

Note to self: put baseball cap in bag for this afternoon’s chemo outing.

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Author: jillpurdy

A few months ago I wasn't but now I'm a statistic. That doesn't define me. I'm a daughter, a sister, a wife, a step mom, a grandmother, a friend and a Christian. I will continue to love exercise, music, cooking and food, and my family and friends. I'm stubborn, energetic, giving and too OCD for my own good sometimes. And I'm going to stay this way - despite cancer and the treatments that it takes to give it the royal beatdown.

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