wide-eyed at 4am

Attitude Adjustment

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Yesterday I was dealt a slight setback.

The call came from my oncologist’s office that my blood word showed some elevated levels that they aren’t comfortable with. It’s liver numbers – not white blood cell count – but still keeps me from staying on my chemo schedule as it stood originally.

My infusion that should have been today is delayed until Tuesday. And I have to “pass” my Monday blood work test to have it then. Prayers….Fingers crossed…dance around chicken bones….whatever ti takes. I want to get on with it.

This isn’t really unusual.

Just happens sometimes when the body isn’t recovered enough to accept another dose of chemo/poison.

Gotta be glad they keep such a close watch on these things and DON’T allow patients to ge themselves in jeopardy for effects to long term health. Thank you, doctors.

That doesn’t keep it from being disappointing. I’ve been counting down the days and I was so proud that this week HAD marked my halfway milestone. I suppose that is just delayed til Tuesday (hopefully) and I will just move on.

Attitude adjustment.

I have to adjust my attitude and stop thinking that everything is going to move along at the most rapid possible pace. I suppose I’m not the perfect specimen of treatment toleration and I may need to notch it back – even though I don’t feel bad. That is difficult for me. I’m the type A/constant movement/OCD freak who thinks sitting still means wasting time. I watch TV at night with my laptop open – usually working on a blog post or something for a client (or for this blog). I’m the one who thinks a “not doing much” Saturday is one where I make Christmas wreaths for all five grandchildren and another for a friend’s house-warming gift. I suppose not going outside means I’m resting? What kind of logic is that?

BLOG_KidsWreaths_11122015 BLOG_KelliWreath_11122015Ask Dennis – if I’m just laying quietly on the sofa, I probably feel bad. I’m not just chillin’. I don’t think my type A personality allows me to just chill.

I also need to realize that the “timeline” I’ve created in my mind for completing my treatments and surgery just might not happen as I’ve envisioned. I’ve counted off the weeks and this week I messed that up. What was completing chemo the first week of January is now the second week of January – and that obviously could change.

Forgive me for sounding crazy. I can’t find the words (I know that makes some of you laugh) to express how badly I want this to be done/complete/finito. Maybe you know if you’ve been through it.

Friend support is constant.


I have to thank my special friends for helping me to celebrate “halfway.” The Valentis sent the most unusual and beautiful flowers to mark my milestone. They will still be beautiful next week when I hope I really get to celebrate #8.

Support from my “network” is so consistent that it amazes me. I shouldn’t be surprised because God provides our strength supply in different ways. My network is one way that it is constantly provided to me.


Author: jillpurdy

A few months ago I wasn't but now I'm a statistic. That doesn't define me. I'm a daughter, a sister, a wife, a step mom, a grandmother, a friend and a Christian. I will continue to love exercise, music, cooking and food, and my family and friends. I'm stubborn, energetic, giving and too OCD for my own good sometimes. And I'm going to stay this way - despite cancer and the treatments that it takes to give it the royal beatdown.

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