wide-eyed at 4am

Staring It Down

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I’ve locked it in a stare ‘til the end.

I can see the home stretch. A little more recovery and I’ll be into the radiation phase. After that, only the oral hormone inhibitor schedule remains.

I can’t believe I can look back on so much. 3 surgeries, 16 chemo treatments. Countless scans, images, tests and monitorings. I’ve had lab work-ups done so many times since last June that I really have lost count.  Most of this process, I would have never imagined that I would have undergone. Never thought I would know what chemo was like and how it feels to loose part of what many believe makes you a woman.

I’m the same person, but I’m not. If you’ve been through this you completely understand what I mean by that. If you haven’t, there are no words to explain it.

I do know some things for sure – even more so that I knew before:

I have strength that I didn’t know I had.

The support, prayers and positive thoughts from friends and family is what helps you through it.

God is amazing.

Because of the aforementioned, I can stare this thing down.

36 radiation treatments isn’t a cake walk but it’s a much easier stroll than chemo and it’s side effects and surgery.

And oral hormone therapy? I got it. I know that whatever side effects that may bring about, my oncologist will help me through it and make the best decisions about what to do about them.

I use this imagery:

We have it down on the mat by its neck and we just have a couple of more blows before we knock it beyond resurrection.

And it’s not just me. It’s me and an amazing team of doctors and treatment providers. And unflinching family and friends. And a steadfast unrelenting God.

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Author: jillpurdy

A few months ago I wasn't but now I'm a statistic. That doesn't define me. I'm a daughter, a sister, a wife, a step mom, a grandmother, a friend and a Christian. I will continue to love exercise, music, cooking and food, and my family and friends. I'm stubborn, energetic, giving and too OCD for my own good sometimes. And I'm going to stay this way - despite cancer and the treatments that it takes to give it the royal beatdown.

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