The final “phase” of really active treatment is approaching and a little anxiousness is coming with it.
I can tell. I woke up at 3:57 this morning. Dozed until 4:30. Tried to keep myself from fidgeting in bed until 5 at which point I gave up and got up.
Tuesday is my first meeting with my radiology oncologist since my meet-and-greet with him that took place during the summer. This appointment will likely determine my exact radiation start date and schedule. I hope we will make my cradle and get everything set for my first treatment to roll ahead.
But the thing is … I don’t know. This is a new process with a yet undetermined response. I could be miserable with intensely irritated and burning skin for 6-8 weeks or I could just be slightly affected and mainly irritated by the frequency of visits.
It seems that my recovery from reconstruction is progressing nicely so I don’t think there will be a longer delay than my plastic surgeon anticipated so within about 10-15 days, I should be starting with this new process.
Anxiousness isn’t doubt. I have complete faith in what my doctors have planned for me and know that my radiology oncologist is one of the best. It’s the unknown of what my state of disruption is going to be for those treatment weeks (and however long it takes my skin to recover afterward).
I think some of the anxiousness is building because I can see the end of this. I have several doctors taking care of me now. It quite a bit of attention. But I know that as treatment ends, I will see my doctors less and less. Soon I will just be seeing either my oncology surgeon or my oncologist every 3 months for check-ups. That’s quite a change from seeing a doctor at least every week.
It’s honestly a little scary that I’m going to be in charge of all of this. I feel like every time something doesn’t feel right, I will think it’s showing up somewhere else.
So handling all of that anxiety and fear is just going to come down to faith.
Turn it over to God. Trust my doctors.